Yes, you read it right.
The penny dropped.
And you know why?
I realized today´s December 22th. In only 33 days, my granpa will weight me.
And, if I´m not about 100lbs, I´m simply not going to Boston. Or NY.
Which means I´ll be wasting the trip of my life just because of a stupid “food shield”.
And you know what?
I really don´t care about it anymore.
All this time I wasted worrying about my body image, the calories of the things I ate, the number os the scale… nobody noticed.
People would only start to notice when I was kinda obsessed. And a lot thinner.
Is it fair?
No. It´s not. But that´s how life is. You can´t help it.
YOU have to be happy with YOURSELF. YOU have to feel good about YOURSELF.
Nobody else matters. Because, let´s be honest. You simply cannot change your way of living just because you want someone to like you. In this case, appearance is NOT everything. In fact, it´s nothing. The most chubby girl in the class could be the most wanted by boys. Beeing thin doesn´t make people like you more or less. And I´ve leaned that.
So, why am I wasting my time with all this crap? I mean, I should feel great about my weight. My body. My appearance.
Which means, from now on, the countdown begins. I have 32 days to gain about 10 pounds. And in a healthy way, of course. Remember the part about beeing ok with yourself? I don´t want to be the chubby girl anymore. I want to be…
Me. An ordinary almost-15-years-old girl. Loved, hated, whatever. Just normal.
Ok, then. Let´s see how I went on my first attempt to gain weight, not fat:
Yeah. May seem kinda disappointing.
This is 1 piece of spinach+carrots+corn pie with lettuce and sliced tomatoes.
This is only the beginning…
I´ve had about 4 tbsp of black beans, too.
And, as dessert…
– 1/2 of plain natural yogurt
– 1 crumbled Nature Valley “Honey+Oats” granola bar
It is a step, right? A step forward.
(Ok, a baby step forward. Whatever. At least I´m trying!)
Well, that´s it. Or almost it…
The other thing is, I´m in such pain. My back hurts. It has something to do with my muscles or something… but the only thing I know is that I´m so sore. And tired of standing still, not beeing able to lean over stuff. Or to lay back. GRRRR.
Well, I have to go. English class will be at 10am tomorrow. Too early for me, hahaha.