I Don´t Think I´ll Ever Be Ready To…

… deal with it.

It´s true. I don´t think I can.

I´m sorry – am I beeing too random?

Let me slow back a little bit – this will explain why I didn´t post yesterday. And why am I posting so early today.

I´ll be quick and simple before I start crying again. The thing is: yesterday, right after I got home from school (almost 6pm), Mom received a call from my Aunt, who´s a psycologist at the hospital where my Grandpa´s at.

She said she had a serious conversation with my Dad, my Grandma and my Uncle about my grandfather. I mean… he has cancer. He´s been at the hospital for 23 non-stop days right now, and he doesn´t seem to get any better. He feels lots of pain all the time, and he howls all night.

And, apparently, they´ve made a decision. They decided they can´t let him suffer anymore.

From now on, the doctors will give him morphine. And, slowly, he won´t be able to talk and recogzine us anymore… And then…

Oh, my. I really can´t take this. I can´t believe this is happening. I cried for so long, but I don´t think I´ll be able to stop. Not… not now.

He is going to die. Soon.

And yesterday was his last day before starting taking morphine, so me and my Mom went to his hospital at Barra to visit him… To talk to him…

To say goodbye.

Oh, geez. Here we go again. I have to stop crying.

But let me just finish. We spent a few hours there, and that´s why I haven´t posted and why I haven´t gone to school today. We had to sleep over my mom´s father (my other grandfather) house, at Barra – it was too late to go back.

I woke up today at around 9:30am. We got dressed and went back home. Now´s almost 1pm, and I haven´t ate a single thing.

And I know this is not right, but my throat hurts so much… I think I´ll just push myself to have lunch in a couple of minutes.

But anyway. Thank you guys. For reading this, for supporting me… I´m going through a really hard time right now. Again, I don´t know if I can handle this on my own.

Well, those are some of yesterday´s eats…

Breakfast

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School snack

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Lunch

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Snack

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Okay, this was soooo cute. Mom picked me up at school, and she bought me a small tart frozen yogurt with blueberries and pineapple for me to have in the car. Isn´t she the best?!

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Dinner

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“Night-snack” (I ended up drinking about 1/8 of this… But whatever.)

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Oh, and in case you were wondering… My visitor pass the hospital.

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Humm…

Well, thank you all again for reading, and for giving me the opportunity to share either good or bad news with you all. You seriously make me happy 🙂

Give it up to the first smiley face of this post. Yaaaaay.

See you guys soon.

XOXO

G.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “I Don´t Think I´ll Ever Be Ready To…

  1. aww how cute is your mommma! whyd you only drink 1/8th?! girl you need more than that!

  2. Sweetie, I am so, so, so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Mine died when I was five, so I don't have much memory of it, but I know how difficult it is to lose someone you love. It's okay to cry and be sad and express how you're feeling on here…we all support you and understand! I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers 🙂

    I know how hard it can be to eat when you're feeling sad, but it's so important to do so. Eat whatever you can stomach! A few years ago I went through a tough time and had trouble making myself eat, too. One thing that I could always handle was a few spoonfuls of peanut butter though…tastes yummmy and is dense. Makes everything better!

    Hang in there, love you!

  3. **hugs from up North**
    thank you for your comment on my post earlier girlie..

    you need some support too though.. i lost both of my grandfathers.. its never easy to watch someone suffer so much, but in the end know that he is in a better place than here and in pain..

    try to eat if only a little bit..

    love your mom..

  4. So sorry about your grandpa 😦 The same exact thing happened to me this past Christmas. I know it's hard but I just tried to think about how he was no longer suffering and is in a better place.

  5. oh no, I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather! I hope you find support in each other during these rough days ahead. At least you can take comfort in the removal of the suffering for him. hugs to you

  6. Hang in there sweetie. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Sending love and prayers your way.

  7. Gabriela! My heart goes out to you and your family. Family is so important, just always show how your grandpa how much you love him 🙂 It may be hard to keep a good attitude but it really helps. And you can always talk to other family members and friends about the things you may be feeling. Sending you lots of hugs and kisses, girlie!!

    XOXO

  8. I am so sorry Gabriela! I will be thinking of you and your family. Many many hugs!

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