Self-Analysis

Fi is right.

I should be trying to understand my own acts and reactions.

WHY do I struggle to eat?

WHY do I find eating such a hard task?

I mean… eating is a natural thing. Every human does it.

In order to live, we have to eat. We need to feed ourselves. That´s not rocket science! That´s common sense.

Let´s face it. If somebody came into my room right now, out of nowhere, with a Brownie Burguer (my favourite dessert pre-ED – a layer of vanilla ice-cream sandwiched between two brownies with chocolate sauce and cashew nuts on top) on a plate, I´m pretty sure I´d say “no, thank you” with an embarrassed smile.

WHY, FOR GOD´S SAKE?! WHY WOULD I SAY NO?!

Like anyone recovering from an ED, I have a list of fear foods. Things like:

-Pizza

-Sweets (of any kind – this includes muffins, cakes, cookies, ice-creams, milkshakes…)

-Cheeseburguers

-French Fries

-Fast Food in general

-Candy (chew-gum, lollipop, literally ANYTHING)

And the list goes on…

Now… that´s what I need to find out. Why can everybody else eat those things, but me?

Gosh. I need to try eating a fear food. Soon.

To kick ED´s ass. That´s all I need right now.

Some MOTIVATION.

………………………………………………………………………………………

So far, I know I haven´t done much. I ate:

moto_0956

A small sliced banana with ~a tbsp of rolled oats for breakfast

moto_0958

A caprese salad (fresh sliced tomato, mozzarella cheese and pesto sauce)…

moto_0960

With a bit of my Aunt´s cheese omelet for lunch

And up next, there´s dinner.

I´m hoping to challenge myself a bit on this one. And since we´re having one of my favourite dishes tonight… It shouldn´t be so hard.

…. Right?

Wish me luck, chickpeas!

G.

**Update**

Here´s dinner:

moto_0964

Whole Wheat Quiche (made with corn, carrot, spinach and other veggies, plus ricotta and some curry powder) with lettuce, tomato slices and steamed beets and carrots

I planned on eating only that flat slice near the carrots. Then, I realize that was WAY too little, so I added two more tablespoons or so. Baby steps, right?

[I should eat something as an evening snack. Shouldn´t I?]

XOXO,G.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Self-Analysis

  1. I totally cannot relate to what you're going through, but it sounds like you're really trying! It looks like you're doing pretty good…maybe try to pump up that breakfast a little 🙂 And have that snack, girl!

  2. Food is supposed to be enjoyable my dear. Try not to think of foods as either bad or good…try not to dwell on it too much. I know easier said than done but remember that your body needs food to function!

  3. Fi

    YES, eat a snack 😉 MOst of the food was salad or fruit today. Like u said, why cant you or why shouldnt u?? The ed is the only thing stopping you and you want to recover right? you want to live a long life right? well then I give u permission to EAT!! 😉 XOXOXOXOX

  4. thehungryscholar

    Good call on adding more veggies. Baby steps are important! I keep making them, but then taking 5 steps back. Thank goodness for the support I get from the fellow bloggers.

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