Decisions, Decisions

Good Evening, y´all.

Gosh, how I´ve missed daily posting. It feels like I can finally talk about some less serious stuff in here… Hehe.

I mean – there are a million things I´d like to share with you!

First – remember when I told you all that my Mom was pregnant?

Well…

I´M HAVING A BABY BROTHER!

Yeeeeeep – it´s a BOY!

After 3 girls… I know, she´s brave. Haha.

But it´s true – a 40-year-old woman having her 4th child… It was pretty much a surprise to all of us (including herself! It was an accident).

The baby is supposed to be borned on late August/early September. I´m already beyond excited!

Anyhow… Enough about baby Miguel (his name will be Miguel! Ok, I´m done…).

Moving on to thing number two: school starts next Monday.

I know. Ugh!

BUT, I should remember what Tica said (my Biology Teacher – she´s lovely!). We only have about 4 months until the end of the school year. Our second semester flies by, according to her. I´ll soon be a junior! YAY (or nay?)!

Thing number three…

I should be honest now.

I know I´m not trying hard enough. I haven´t been trying hard enough. I admit it.

It´s just that the last comments I received… Encouraging ones…

They made ED feel happy. Happy for convicing me I was actually doing the right things, following the right path. When, in fact, I wasn´t.

I should know that a banana, half a tbsp of rolled oats, salads and a slice of whole-wheat quiche isn´t enough. Not for a 15-year-old teenage girl, not for a woman, not even for a kid.  Let alone myself, recovering from an ED and in desperate need of weight gain.

I know it´s not too safe to build a meal-plan by myself, but since I do want to recover by myself…

I think I need some advice. I mean… I´m 15. I´m about 5’2 tall or so. I weight XX lbs (ok, so I don´t feel comfortable sharing this number with the world… at least, not yet).

How much do you guys think I should eat?

I have a number in mind, just so you know. But I wanted to be a bit more sure.

So, yeah. I think that´s enough for a post 🙂

What I ate today… I know it´s still not enough, though… I feel pretty embarassed to post this, but here we go:

moto_0967

Whole Wheat Vegetable quiche with lettuce, tomato slices and a whole tomato on the side for lunch (I woke up by noon… I know, LATE!)

moto_0972

I ate… ta-da-da-da… FRO-YO! Medium-sized, with THREE toppings! It had papaya slices, mango slices and pineapple slices. It was 0%fat and 0%sugar, but still… I was a bit proud for not having the small one without any toppings 🙂

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Dinner was two slices of whole wheat bread, two slices of turkey blanquet and a slice of ricotta cheese. Sandwiched.

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… plus a small slice of quiche and a pear. A pretty juicy one, by the way!

I swear I wanted to have a snack. But I feel so full… And guily for eating so much courses for dinner… Tomorrow´s a new day. And it will be better, I swear.

See you guys tomorrow, loves!

Thanks for the always-sweet comments 🙂

XOXO,

G.

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Decisions, Decisions

  1. Fi

    Congratultions!!I always wanted a baby bro!
    Im glad u can see the error of ed's ways and that you wnat to change, if u want to gain start eating 2500 cals. You need to push yourself at the start but it does become easier.
    xxx

  2. Congrats on Miguel!! I'm sad to hear you're having a rough time recently 😦 But like I said in my last email, think of Lele- you want to be a strong and healthy role model for her, NOT encourage her to develop an ED of her own. Like the commenter above me said, 2500 is how much you should eat to gain. It sounds like such a big, scary number, but remember that a lot of people eat 2500 calories a day without gaining, once they're at a healthy weight. You can absolutely do it girl, I have faith in you. Our metabolisms are an amazing thing! I just sent you an email, and I'm always here if you need to talk!

  3. Aw that's so exciting that you're going to have a baby brother. Miguel is an adorable name! 🙂

    It sounds like I'm about the same weight/height as you (actually, I'm only 5 feet!) and I don't really know how many calories I've been eating a day since I started recovering, but I'd imagine it's well over 2000. I feared that eating more would cause me to gain huge amounts of weight overnight, but my scale has barely budged (I actually didn't need to gain much weight, just fat). And since I started eating more, I feel 100x better! If you need any advice or ideas for healthy sized meals, just let me know. Good luck with things girl! 🙂

  4. Congrats on the little brother!! I'm so excited for you!!

    I'm the same height as you and my weight was also in the double digits for awhile. For your age you should eat whatever you want w/o guilt!! So eat all the froyo/nut butters you want!!

  5. Congrats on the news about a baby brother! How exciting! I think what I have learned is that everybody is different. No one really knows how much someone else should be eating. You have to just jump in and try and figure it out along the way. Initially when you begin to increase, your body might hold onto some water. But you have to stay committed to eating more, and things will adjust at the right speed. I have found that our bodies can handle a lot of food! Sometimes it can really take a much bigger amount to gain than we would have thought. Good luck!

  6. I'm excited for your mother and whole family!! That's awesome news! 😀

  7. Six years ago we also had a bit of a surprise when my stepmother found out she was pregnant. I'm 21 years older than my brother, but it was such a nice surprise. Congrats to you and your family on the news!

  8. teenagehealthfreak

    congrats on the baby bro!! how exciting?!?!?! I just say listen to your body when you wanta eat, remember you get hungry for a reason. I probably eat far over 2,000 cals a day..i don't really count..I just eat when I'm hungry b/c I know I'm growing and my body gets hungry b/c it needs extra food to grow. I know it's probably hard..but keep trying!!! :){{i've never tried quiche but it looks good!}}

  9. I am SO sorry I have been missing your posts!! I have been busy with the moving process. I am so sorry :'(

    Congratulations to your mom and you for the baby!! That must be exciting 🙂

    I don't think I have the knowledge to tell you calories per day (that should be a doctor) but I will tell you that it may very well feel like WAY more than you want. I know I was (and maybe still am, i dunno) on 3500+ a day. It depends on so many factors, you really have to just trust the doctors because ED has such a grip on our minds we don't know what is really right.

    hang in there, you can do this.

    Praying for you,

    Scott

  10. congrats on the baby bro!!

    PLEASE GO GET HELP NOW! seriously.. please go to the hospital or something. you are so sick girl. too young to waste your life

  11. Congratulations to your family!!! What exciting news 😀

    As for gaining weight. You need to be eating more than you burn. And you burn even just by sitting around. I have no idea what that number is. I do know that the food groups that should be increased for weight gain are proteins, carbs, and fats. So up those, and don't let ED talk you into nonsense, ok? And if you can get help from somewhere else, please do. This is really hard to do on your own. And I think the added pressure of possibly going out of the country will make it harder. You have to want to get better for you, not because you want to go on a trip.

    XOXO much love!

  12. Anonymous

    If you are embarrassed to post your eats, don't post them. It's triggering. How would you feel if it was you that read this?

  13. Congrats on your baby brother! It breaks my heart to read that you are struggling. You are more beautiful than you know. One thing that you need to do is trust your body. Go out and do something active and your body will desire the food for fuel. Many times we think too much about what we're eating and it causes us to go crazy. Allow your body to think for you and help guide you. Focus on life and being happy and do something that you love. When meal times come, eat, but don't allow yourself to get caught up in the moment of food, instead eat with others around you and talk to them about their day and enjoy their company. I'm praying for you and your recovery. I know it can happen.

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