I’m sorry I waited until today to post – but I had to. I was going to post yesterday about my city tour (school project) and my latest tests (chemistry, sociology… let’s just forget about that stupid math test for a second), but as I was about to leave to my Dad’s house, I decided to finish that post later. Everything’s changed now.
Let me clarify. Or even better, let me tell you a story.
My parents got divorced on 2000. I was 5. It’s funny how I never really suffered to see my parents apart – I always thought they’d be better off alone. They used to fight quite a lot, so when we moved out it was no big deal (emotionally-wise).
Me and my sister went to live with Mom. We moved to a neighborhood far away from our home with Dad – about an hour away. A few months later, Mom met Stepfather (thank God for that, btw), which was pretty amazing. I always loved him, even though him and Mom went through some rough times. They now have 2 kids together (Lelê, who’s 5, and Baby Mig, who’s 6 months-old), and 2011 marks they’re 11th anniversary (even though they’re not actually married). I consider myself lucky to be surrounded by all these wonderful babies and this beautiful family – stepfather’s definitely (an important) part of my family.
Dad-wise, we always lived far from each other. I used to go to his house every 15 days. But I feel like it’s been an eternity since we were really close – now’s just all about fights and screams. No fun, no fun at all.
Anyway, I was on Dad’s car last night, with him and my sister Bruna. They started a discussion about the “Meet and Greet” ticket most artists sell so the fans can take pictures, meet them, have their CDs signed, etc. All of a sudden, when I decided to share my opinion, Dad cut me out, screaming at me the way he usually does. But I had decided I would not let him talk to me like that – not when I hadn’t done anything wrong. Is it wrong to say: “Dad, I agree with you when you say it’s absurd for a fan to pay in order to meet his favorite singer while the fans are actually the reason why every artist gets to perform, but… (he didn’t let me finish)”?
So I said: “Calm down, Dad! I was just sharing my opinion. You don’t need to scream at me. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
To which he replied: “CALM DOWN?! YOU JUST TOLD ME TO CALM DOWN?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO?!”
And then he hit me. My left arm turned red and then purple instantly, and I couldn’t feel anything but deep pain.
This happened before. Twice. Mom and Dad had already fought over this same subject. The last time it happened, I blogged about it.
But this time’s different. I didn’t disrespect him, like he said I did. And, even if I had disrespected him, he has no right to hit me. I’m 16 now, and I won’t let him do this to me ever again. Never again.
When I was little, he used to hit our hands until they were bright red, seething with pain. I always thought it wasn’t fair, but I never complained. I thought every father did that.
Now I know that’s not true. I know now that it is possible to raise a child without hurting her physically (or emotionally, by the way). Personally, after all I’ve been through, I vowed to never hit my children like my Dad did. I can ground them, talk to them, argue with them. But hurt them? Nope, never.
To make a long story short, I called Mom to tell her what happened so she could tell me if I was right or wrong (I thought I was right, but everyone at Dad’s house was screaming at me, saying me and my sister were rude, disrespectful, etc… I couldn’t make my mind up), and she was really pissed off. She tried to call Dad, but he ignored all her calls. So Mom called Grandpa (her Dad) to see if he could pick me up – unfortunately, he was out of town. She called me again saying she’d pick me up first thing in the morning. I spend the whole night crying, and asked my sister to sleep by my side. I was scared of my father’s reaction. I thought he might come back to argue/hit me again. It was awful.
I couldn’t sleep properly, and even though I went to bed at around 2am, I was wide awake by 8am. I waited for Mom in bed until noon, when she called to tell me she was almost there, and that I should get ready to leave.
The last time I talked to him was last night, before the “incident”. Since then, he didn’t talk, text or call me. I decided I wouldn’t be the first to call, so I’ll probaly have to wait a little while until he decides to contact me.
Grandpa said he would talk to my father as soon as he gets back from his trip, and Mom said I wouldn’t go back to his house until he starts seeing a therapist.
I’m a mess. Seriously, I don’t know what to think.
We were never too close, at least not after I moved out when I was 5…
But this? It’s just too much for me. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sick and tired of being treated this way, specially because he never hurted my sister (who lives with him). Only me, who sees him rarely and for a short amound of time. I just don’t get it.
I’d love to know you guy’s opinions on this subject…
If you’re a Mom, have you ever hit your children? If you’re not – are you against it? Do you think that hurting your kids physically can be helpful while raising them?
And, most importantly… What would you do if you were me?
Just curious. And confused, I guess.
Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer today, guys… I didn’t mean to, and I completely understand if you skip this post. I promise I’ll post again tomorrow to show you some food pics, funny stories and hilarious pictures. No more Dad talk, ok? I swear.
Thanks for being always so comprehensive and sweet.